Red Hen Restaurants Everywhere Unite!

Olde Red Hen Restaurant in Collingwood, Ontario, CANADA

Relax American visitors. Sarah Huckabee Sanders DIDN’T eat here.

By now, everyone has heard that U.S. Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was refused service at the Red Hen restaurant in Lexington. As the story goes, Ms. Sanders was asked to leave because she works for Mr. Trump. So, to the surprise of absolutely nobody on either side of the border, Sanders’ Boss hurled insults at the small Virginia restaurant.

Of course he did.

Our frirends south of the border are so terribly good at geography, they have been peeking into the Olde Red Hen Restaurant’s social media posts here in Collingwood.

What? Collingwood isn’t in Virginia?

Y’all don’t say!

Shoot! (everybody duck!)

So since American eyes are watching, may I suggest a few menu additions to Collingwood’s historic eatery to attract our well informed American cousins for breakfast or lunch?

Now, how about a big plate of Crooked Hillary fries?

Don’t worry, if you drop them on the floor, we’ll round them all up in a very humane way.

Or, Fake Media Pancakes … stack em’ high and pour Canadian tree sauce on them!

Baron of beef … (that was an easy one).

Poutine, with a ten percent tariff.

Putin with no tariff and a side salad with Russian dressing.

How about a big bowl of Guiliani with Rudy Red Sauce!

Kim Jong Un served on a launch pad with Georgian Bay Whitefish and a Fox News ball cap.

Collusion Cup Cakes. Yummy!

Every Friday at noon we have a trade war. Order whatever you want and then fight with the people at the next table.

Be sure to verbally attack your neighbours, you know, the people who have stood by you since the beginning of time. Really let them have it!

Sorry neighbours, in Collingwood, we cook Canadian beef and use Canadian dairy products. If you don’t like that, bring your own.

Since our waiters and waitresses are under a newly court approved travel ban preventing them from setting foot in our kitchen, American visitors will have to clear their own tables.

While you’re doing that, we’ll have our hockey rivals from a far-away land hack into your bank account for payment and a 30 percent gratuity. Forty percent on steel products.

And of course, our outdoor patio is most enjoyable complete with a 25 foot border wall all around it.

Bring a sweater because according to your leader, there is no Global Warming.

Just for you, we’re importing American make-it-yourself wine kits for our “Make America Grape Again” festival.

We now have 36 big screen TV’s, just like Air Force One does, and they’re all tuned to the Justin Trudeau channel … just like on Air Force One … do I detect a man crush?

And Sarah, may we suggest you play it safe tonight, hit a Denny’s drive-thru and go home for dinner?

Red Hen Restaurants around the world unite!

You’re under attack!

— Paul Richards is a retired broadcaster who has been visiting the Red Hen Restaurant in downtown Collingwood since he was a small child. If you haven’t been there lately, pop by for breakfast or lunch. The photos on the wall celebrate Collingwood’s heritage. Vintage radios take you back in time, and the fries are really good! So is the Canadian bacon!

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